The very first letter (which was actually an email) my husband wrote me began with the greeting, Most Honored Lady; the way in which his favorite composer wrote to his wife. The fact that we wrote each other actual sentences and complete thoughts as opposed to abbreviated jargon and emoji-based texts is something I perceive to be lost on the current generation which makes me all the more grateful to be my husband’s, Most Honored Lady, and to have been fortunate enough to meet him when I did.
Being new(er) to this blogging thing, I do feel the need to walk through a little bit of the past and present so that the stage can (somewhat) be set for the purpose of this all. When I initially began thinking about this post it had a totally different layout and wasn’t accomplishing what I originally set out to achieve so I let it sit for a day or two and here I am. Hope you enjoy reading the rest, if you’ve even made it this far. 🙂
The moment I saw my husband, I knew I would marry him.
But love at first sight does not sustain a relationship – or 13 years of marriage and almost 19 together. So what’s our secret to happiness?
I interviewed my husband for this one as he is a man of few words (unlike me who will talk for days on end) yet when he speaks – it is profound and what he says holds significant meaning and value to me.
Me: Babe, what is the secret to our happiness?
Husband: (reluctantly deciding whether he wants to engage in this conversation with me, glances over at our bar and points to the 7 bottles of bourbon lined up on the back bar and turns around grinning, implying that copious amounts of alcohol is that very key to our success as a couple. Good one babe.) After a moment he starts to weigh in, and this is what I love about him so much; his ability to put into words, a consice statement how he feels about me that just sums it all up (mic drop moment) and makes what I was going to say about us, totally moot. I’ll break down his thoughts below.
- We have a deep love and connection that has grown with the growth of our family.
- We mutually support one another in our careers and life goals.
- We have equality in our marriage.
- We both admit when we are wrong.
- We’re respectful of each other’s opinions.
- We argue well – but we hardly ever argue.
- We have a consistent and happy sex life. (see link below)
Me: What frustrates you, about me?
Husband: (All he does is give me a look that is supposed to mean I should know exactly what his answer is – and I do.) (“Im late?”) Yes. You are late. all. the. time. (I am) You can be longwinded for my personality – and you can beat a dead horse, meaning when you tell me something and it’s said once, you continue to drive home that point 752 more times. (I laugh because he’s so spot on and it is another reason why I cherish this man and have for 18 years – he tells it completely like it is and holds nothing back.)
We end there for now – because we both need to get back to our work and this was a little lunchtime conversation we dove into, him less willingly than I. But I also commented from my perspective, adding the following:
- We laugh together – a lot. We make each other laugh and we find the same kinds of things funny.
- We have developed our own form of communication that is built from movie lines and shared experiences that span eightheen + years.
- We both have very easy-going personalities where we’re willing to try new things together yet are respectful of each other’s individual interests.
- We genuinely enjoy spending time with each other. My husband is my favorite person in the world to be with and hang out with.
That last bullet point is one I’d like to dive into deeper because by the sheer nature of what we do – we don’t get to spend a lot of time, just hanging out, together. In fact, we have to carve out that time for each other so that my love bucket of quality time is filled to the brim.
In essence, we have to manage our marriage. Remember when I said the purpose for this was a space for us all to share how we manage the things in our life that we spend the most amount of our time focusing on? And the impact those things have in our daily lives? Well, managing my marriage is one of the BIG aspects of my life where I work hard to be successful. My husband and I both know what it’s like to have a mismanaged marriage because we’ve lived it and thankfully have been able to overcome the pitfalls of the stress and strains and a whole bunch of other negative circumstances that can bring down a relationship. Been there – done that – got the t-shirt and don’t ever want to go back. But it’s made us who we are today, as a collective whole, and it’s allowed us to continue to grow in ways we might have once thought were just not possible.
When I reflect on our shared history, I have spent over 50% of my life with my husband; we’ve grown up together, we’ve learned from each other and we’ve matured in a way that has allowed us to expand the depth of our relationship and marriage to more than just the initial eletric shock of that love at first sight moment. Instead, the moments that stick out the most now are the ones that define us as husband and wife, and they’re not all happy ones, but they’re the ones that have made us who we are, they’ve made us stronger and whether they’ve come with judgement from others is something we could give two shits about because this is our life – not theirs.
And that’s just it. We don’t have a perfect marriage. Far from it. It’s easy to read all of the great things my husband stated above and think, “wow, they really have it together and have this great marriage.” And we do…but, it’s easier said – than done. We struggle through the day-to-day just like every other couple does; we have our process and plans for everything from how we want the week to flow with schedules that overlap work travel to how we want to raise our kids to be kind humans who are productive members of scoiety and whom far out succed us. But just because it isn’t perfect doesn’t mean we are not perfectly happy. That, my freinds, is where the difference lies because my husband and I choose to love each other, we choose to find ways to make our marriage and our relationship work, and we choose to raise our children alongside each other – no matter what, and we choose to be there for each other, to support each other every way that we can.
We genuinely enjoy just being and spending time together, whether that is on the couch in our living room, watching a movie with the kids in the upstairs theatre room or traveling the world, my husband is my person and I am his. He is my safe space, my confidant and my protector, and I really enjoy looking at his handsome face. At the end of every day, that is all I can ask for in a partner. Well, that and a really good backrub before bedtime. I am grateful to be my husband’s, Most Honored Lady.
– Confessions of a Corporate Mom
I’d love to know how YOU manage your: marriage, work, children, in-laws, day-to-day, girl time, me-time, etc., email me at firstname.lastname@example.org because I’d love to hear (and share if you want) your story.
#confessionsofacorporatemom #marriage #relationships #love #weworkatit #wechooselove #wechooseeachother #workingmom